A New Year with Old Thoughts

It is 12:12 AM (make a wish!) January 1st, 2010. I just finished toasting in the New Year with two of our closest friends.



So...while Dan Hazel amuses himself with his authentic lightsaber that he got for Christmas, and Nathan and Loranna find us a good movie to watch, I'm going to write my first blog of the new year.

I have never been one of those "resolution" people, because I don't believe my life is marked by the comings and goings of January 1st. Therefore, my goals and ambitions should not be marked by another little square on the calendar.

The seasons in my life are marked partially by circumstances, but more by spiritual and emotional progress and digression. They are marked as friends and people who, well, aren't so friendly, come and go in my life. The things that are said, steps that are taken, decisions that are made...all these determine what my goals and ambitions and dreams are. They determine my nightmares too.

I don't really believe that any person is a single stage in their life at any one time. Our lives are so intertwined, so complicated, and so multi-layered. Shrek said it best. "Ogres...are like onions, Donkey". And so is life. One layer of my life is a season of love and contentedness, while another layer is experiencing anger beyond reason, and yet another is struggling to keep my head above the waters of depression. All the while the outermost layer is laughing and crying and going through the motions of everyday life, sometimes willfully denying the more painful layers, or relishing in those that bring joy.




But always we hide. We rarely, if ever, are lucky enough to cross paths with a human being with who can break through every layer and find the person that lies below the confusion that naturally accompanies our humanity. Often we ourselves are not brave enough to do that, afraid of what we will see. When we do make ourselves vulnerable to another, we can only hope and pray that they are kind enough not to use that against us, and wise enough not to unintentionally shatter our lives.

Still, even after all these semi-pessimistic and self-revealing ramblings, it is nice to just for one night pretend with the rest of the country that the New Year means new beginnings, that the flipping of a page and the appearance of the next little box on the calendar magically wipes away all of last year's issues. That tomorrow, when I wake up, I will have a clean slate to mark up for 2010. It's a nice thought, isn't it?

What the hell, I'll deal with reality in the morning.

Lissa Hoarn

Some Goings On

Good evening readers. It has been a few days since I've posted, but here I am.

Has anyone ever noticed how time blends together when one is on Christmas break? With school, it is all schedules and planners and color coded assignment folders, but the moment I went on Christmas break, I forgot what day it was, and I have forgotten repeatedly ever since. For instance, I could have sworn that tomorrow is New Years Eve, which goes to show how silly I am. New Years Eve is obviously Thursday.

I did have a wonderful last couple of days, though. Nathan and I had two of our "adopted children" from "Joseph...Dreamcoat" over for shopping, pizza, and a sleepover. Talli and Amelia are definitely the best 11 year old girls ever, and shopping with them was like shopping with two friends my age. We tried on dresses and shopped sales (Herberger's was like a gold mine), and took a gazillion pictures. Which I would post here, if I could figure it out. (Help, anyone??)

Anyway, after pigging out on frozen pizza and rootbeer floats, we watched "The Wedding Planner" and talked until almost 2 AM. Nathan's pancake and egg breakfast, and a few games of Apples to Apples made for a perfect sleepover ending. I hope the girls had as much fun as I did, and that we can do it again soon.

Liana came over today for a gift exchange (two books for her, and plaid Betsey Johnson tights for me...she knows me so well)and some browsing time at Half Price Books. I had left over Mushu Chicken for dinner, and promptly got sick. But I feel much better now.

The rest of the evening has been a lovely few hours of reading (unheard of since I started college) in front of the fireplace. Nathan and I are sleeping out in the living room by the Christmas tree and the fireplace before we take everything down...we're procrastinating that as long as possible.

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas, and that your New Year will be even lovelier.

Love to all,
Lissa Hoarn

Happy Birthday To Me

Good morning all. Yes, I am actually writing at a time of day when this side of the world is awake. I wanted to compose this blog at 1 AM morning, but Nathan's computer was being uncooperative, and a certain possessive sister of mine wouldn't let me use hers.

Well, it's my birthday. That's right, I'm 19 years old. Let's review this past year

1) A year ago today I was probably getting ready in the upstairs bathroom with Sheryl, rockin out to something girly. As with today, I was served breakfast in bed by my lovely mommy (we stayed at her apartment tonight) and then I opened presents from immediate family.

2) Three days later, Nathan took me to Chanhassen dinner theatre...and proposed. It was the most perfect proposal in the WHOLE WORLD.

3) In late February, we wrapped up Masquers' "Some Enchanted Evening" and Mom and I moved into our Forest Lake apartment.

4) Nathan and I began to plan our wedding, and I got a job hostessing at Key's Cafe in Flake. (Not my favorite kind of job...the clothes are so not my style)

5) College searching continues. I am increasingly indecisive.

6) A decision at last! About 10 minutes on NWC campus and I knew it was the place for me.

7) Three months of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolored Dreamcoat" A crazy time with a huge cast, lots of fun, and stressfulness.

8) The show closes, and a week later, WEDDING DAY!!! My dream wedding ensues. The wedding party consisted of Sheryl (Maid of Honor) Beck, Liana, Loranna, and Morgan. Ryan (Best Man) Matt Hoarn, Dan, and Cody. Matthew Stewart walked me down the aisle.

9) A two and 1/2 week honey moon, and we then we move into our apartment at NWC. A few days later, classes start.

10) A crazy semester filled with lots of Latin and Theatre, and Love.

11) Christmas break! Sheryl and Cody are home, and I am writing this while we wait for Matt and Emily to get here.

So that's a recap of the 18th year of my life. I don't think it's possible for the 19th to be any busier, but I expect it will be just as incredible...or better.

I love you all. Happy Birthday to Me, and Merry Christmas to you!!

Love,
Lissa Hoarn

What I Wish Were Home

I've spent the vast majority of my life in good ol' Minnesota. Most of my vacations have been limited tournaments, where we went to even less interesting states, like Iowa or Missouri. I've spent a week in Montana, where I learned that while I love a short visit to the mountains, I was not designed to live in them.

More to my personal preferences have been the several trips to Chicago (where Nathan and I are going this Christmas break as our present to each other). I love that the city is always alive, even at 3 AM, and the public transportation is a dream. I love the little cafes where I can picture myself spending weekend mornings enjoying my latest reading endeavor with an espresso or five. My favorite place to go, of course, is Myopic Books, the most perfect used book store in the entire world. I could spend days in that place, so happy I don't think I'd even need to eat or sleep. That whole part of the city has so much character. And then, of course, there's Lincoln Park, where lots of rich people in designer jogging suits with ipods and expensive dogs fill the streets, and where I would like to live, if I ever had the money.

But the best vacation I've ever had is without a doubt my trip to NYC last January with Mom. Best. Birthday. Present. Ever. Manhattan natives would probably hate me for this, but just to myself, I've always called Manhattan "home". If I moved there today, I would be hopelessly lost, and look like a complete tourist. But I think I've been dreaming about living there for so many years, I know that someday it has to be home. I won't be contented until I've at least mastered the subway system. Call me silly, but I have a crush on that beautiful city. I felt so comfortable in those few days I spent there. There was never a moment of "where am I?" (astonishing, I know, but NYC is surprisingly easy to navigate). I loved watching those around me and realizing the differences between the natives and the tourists. (The natives don't walk with their necks craned up at the tall buildings, or make friendly conversation with strangers, or acknowledge the homeless, or wait for the light to turn green before they cross the street).

Why am I writing all this? I'm not quite sure why Manhattan has been on my mind so much lately. Maybe it's because it was almost a year ago that I first glimpsed the glorious skyline. Or maybe it's because I wish I could spend Christmas there, skating at Rockefeller Center under the lights of the enormous Christmas tree. Maybe it's because I am so excited for the day Nathan and I actually say "Ok, we're ready to go" (sooooo far into the future). Anyway,when that day comes, I'll be ready to finally call Manhattan home. Until then, I'll just keep googling pictures of NYC and imagining myself in the center of it all.

Until Next Time,
Lissa Hoarn

Change

Change has always been something I've feared and looked forward to, as I think is the case for many people. I like tradition, I like the comfort of knowing what is going to happen next. However, being a dreamer, I will never be content in just one place for an entire lifetime. I'm not a settler.

Change, both for the better and for the worse, has seemed to permeate my life lately.

Firstly, there was the change in my family. That's is probably the most intense and emotional change in my life. If I were to be completely honest, I know that there is a lot of baggage I still have to deal with, but I also feel as though I have come so far. I know I owe so much of that progress to my husband, and all of it to my God. He's carried me every step that I've let him. The struggle is letting go and allowing him to pick me up off the ground in the first place. I think this coming week will be a test of my emotions. Christmas has been exactly the same as far back as I can remember, right down to the food. But when a family changes, it follows that traditions do. But I am blessed to have incredible siblings, an amazing Mom, and a phenomenal husband that I can focus on.

The second major change (and an infinitely better one) has been marriage. This change has been nothing but good. Every step of the way, from the little arguments about whether the garbage can should go under the sink or next to the sink (Nathan won this one...under the sink) to the late night conversations about our plans and dreams (when we should be sleeping or studying), to the times when we have to just laugh at ourselves as we try to figure out this whole marriage thing, I find myself in disbelief that two people could ever be so incredibly happy.

Then, of course, there is college. For college and marriage to come all at the same time presented a crazy few months of trying to meld marriage with a show, 18 credits, and lots and lots of Latin. But by the end of the semester we had a nice rhythm going, and I'm finding that I'm actually excited for the changes next semester will bring. We've made so many friends (recently a lovely married couple that moved in next to us)and already have made countless good memories.

All the changes happened in the course of about 6 months, and it made for a very emotional me. I'm so grateful God gave me an understanding, even tempered man who can find me cute on my crabbiest days, and understand when I feel like I'm sobbing for no reason. I never want to take that for granted.

But stepping back, and taking a good look at what my life has become, I find that I would change very little about the past, and the things that I would change, I know I would be changing out of selfishness. They needed to happen, and they happened for a reason. I've been blessed through each and every change this year, and I find myself actually looking forward to the changes that will undoubtedly present themselves in the future.

I'm sorry this post was so long...I've always been an overly ambitious writer (my school papers are always several pages past the required length), and once I start it's hard to stop myself. I'll work on that.

God Bless,
Lissa Hoarn

First Blog...Mostly Ramblings

So, I have decided to be the third sibling to have a blog. Matt has one so he can share his profoundness with us, and Becky has one so I can stalk Delaney. I'm sure Sheryl will have one for little Pudgers McGee (my nickname for future baby boy). Mine will probably not be intelligent or cute, but I'm on Christmas break, and I have nothing better to do. (Not entirely true, actually. I can think of several more worthwhile things I could be doing right now. The point is, I don't have to do them.) Also, I don't feel like I talk to half of the people I love nearly enough, so this is a slightly less personal, but possibly more entertaining way to keep everyone informed.

Nathan and I have been married for 140 days as of today. The crazy thing is, it feels like so much longer than that. I feel like we've known each other for a lifetime; our lives melded so completely. At the same time, I am constantly discovering new aspects of him, just when I thought I new everything about him. If there is one thing I am thankful for, it is that God gave me a man who enjoys talking. I love that we can share our hopes, dreams, and fears easily with each other. I am determined that that will never change.

Today was the first day of Christmas break (hurray!) and I got 15 hours of sleep last night. I think my body decided to catch up on sleep all at once. The problem is, it's almost 1 Am, and I'm wide awake. However, it was nice to just read for enjoyment and not feel guilty because I wasn't doing Latin or memorizing monologues.

Our first semester together at college was an adventure, to say the least. We had so much to adjust to all at once. We were newly weds, in college for the first time, in a new apartment. But it's been a good adventure, and now that we have the rhythm of things, I'm looking forward to next semester. However, I'm not hopeful that it will be any less stressful. Nathan and I both have 6 classes and 18 credits. And if I have a show (which hopefully I will...I miss being on stage so much!!!) my sleep schedule isn't likely to improve. But that's what coffee is for, right?

This first blog was a bit of a ramble...sorry. I'll try to stick to topics for the rest of them. Goodnight, and Merry Christmas!

Melissa Hoarn