Blessings and the Thoughts that Followed

The last two weeks have been the most stressful time yet for Nathan and I. There was a mix up with how our married student rent was being handled. We had been told that it would go on our loans, like every other student's housing, but to make a long story short, it didn't, and they won't put it on there, and so we had to come up with 4 months rent before we could register for classes. We managed to make enough of a down payment that they unfroze out accounts, and we registered.

It's no fun to constantly have the thought of "What are we going to do?" hanging over our heads, and we spent a lot of time talking about what our option were. I'm blessed to have a man who's first priority is to make sure I'm taken care of, and who does not let stress make him angry. We knew when we got married that money would be an issue, and we never wanted that to come between us. These weeks were a test of that, and I feel luckier than ever with the husband God has given me.

So on Thursday, we were sitting in our living room, doing some homework, when his phone rings, and it's the (wonderful) lady who has been helping us out with our finances. She called to tell us that someone had donated a significant sum of money to our student account.

I'm tearing up thinking about it even now, but in the moment, it was overwhelming. We have no idea who would have done that, because we didn't really tell anyone what was going on, outside of a couple of family members. But God knew what we needed and He took care of us.

People have talked about traumatic life experiences that have brought them closer to God. This was not traumatic at all, and it wasn't even obvious. It was like God was gently tapping on my shoulder saying "I'm here. Why don't you remember that?" I'm so willing to come before Him and thank Him when He blesses me, but when things go wrong, I look for solace in other places - people, music, theatre, literature - I turn everywhere but the one place I should be turning. And then when I do finally turn to Him, I always surprised that He has just what I need. It's times like these when I am reminded of my utter humanity.

And it's not just material things I fail to depend on Him for...it's the emotional and spiritual things that I long for that He has the power to give. My need for a father, the love that I crave from those around me, the desire to be praised by others...These are things that can all be satisfied in Him. He can give more love to me than my earthly father is capable of giving, and He created me in His image with His love...that is better than the praise of man.

So why, when my head knows these things, do I 9 times out of 10 look in the wrong places for what I need? I think, more than anything, it is from a lack of understanding on my part of who God is, and I think it comes back to praise. That sounds like a strange connection, but the more I walk the daily walk, the more I realize that when my hear and mind are focused on praising Him, they are simultaneously being reminded of who He is and what He can do, and if I truly know that, why on earth would I ever consider looking other places for gratification?

Hope this all makes some semblance of sense.

God Bless,
Lissa Hoarn